Embrace Your Uniqueness
Are you embracing your uniqueness wholeheartedly?
It’s easier said than done. If you are like many people, you have heard the mantra of how important it is to do this, yet have stubborn resistance to practice it.
I’m no exception. In this post, let me share one of my “uniqueness” that, for a long time, I considered as less than desirable and how I came to terms with it. My hope is that, by sharing my experience, you’d feel comfortable and encouraged to embrace your own uniqueness.
It’s almost two years ago when I contributed my post Accepting and Loving our Uniqueness at Urban Monk. In that article, I confessed how I felt about my foreign accent. I’ve felt shy about speaking up, especially to strangers, because of my accent. Now mind you, my accent isn’t too bad. Most people have no problem understanding me. There are so many occasions these day when American people have to deal with internationals that they have learned how to listen to us. (Good grief!)
Challenges in embracing your uniqueness
Still there are times when someone points out how imperfect my English is. They are not necessarily mean people who are out to put down others. Some have been my close friends. For instance, I hired a personal finance coach last fall to assist me in making a few decisions. I have known her through her blog for some time. And she is brilliant and kind. Yet at the last session, she remarked, “You might want to improve your articulation of English. Maybe you should seek help with a speech pathologist.” That felt like a huge lumber suddenly hitting me in the middle. I wasn’t prepared for such a comment. I was depressed for several days.
I’m sharing this not to blame her or other people who have pointed out my accent. I’m sharing it because I suspect many of you have had similar experiences. You certainly have a few qualities, or personal quarks, that you see as your “uniqueness”. Perhaps you cannot do certain things in the standard way, like me speaking English. Perhaps you can do something so well it stands out oddly. Perhaps your opinions are so different they surprise your peers all the time even though you don’t intend to be different. And you have received remarks that hit you and depress you.
As a result, you may have concluded uniqueness is a problem, a liability, something you must cover up so that you can be accepted in the society.
Your inner judgment is hurting you
When someone points out your uniqueness and puts you down, it’s easy to think the other person, the one who made hurting comments, is too judgmental. But I dare tell you — the biggest judgment is sitting right within you.
In my case, my judgment about my own accent was the biggest issue. Sure, I formed my judgment based on the feedback I received from others, but once the judgment is in me, it was mine, and it multiplied the pain when I received more criticisms.
If I am truly comfortable with my background and therefore my accent, if I am really embracing my uniqueness, I’d be okay even when an uninformed person points out my difference. But I’ve been secretly afraid that my accent would make me look less intelligent, less appropriate, and less worthy.
How I came to embrace my uniqueness
Something changed within me recently. I started to think I am okay as I am.
I cannot pinpoint what brought this change. I think it’s a combination of many things. The big part is having friends who like me for who I am. Blogging has helped me a big deal in this.
Another part is me dropping my other judgments. I used to have many judgments. I’m an idealist. And for an idealist, the world and the people in the world fall short. For instance, when I saw overweight people, I couldn’t help feeling, “That is so unhealthy. And there are good ways to lose weight in a healthy way. Why are you staying that way? You don’t like it yourself, do you?” I never said this, but this kind of thoughts was always within me. Not any more. These days, when I go out, I just feel close to everyone I see, most of them strangers.
Finding my voice
Have you checked my last post The Most Important Message? That’s the first time I spoke up voluntarily to the general public. Speaking with my friends has been easy. Speaking to my Akashic Record Reading clients has been fine, too, because I know they are motivated to hear what I have to say about their Akashic Records. Plus, in phone sessions, if they don’t understand something I say, they can ask right away. I can explain or spell it out.
However, letting my voice and my accent heard over the internet was a big deal for me. Kind of like volunteering to show off my arm flab on the internet. I didn’t have to do it. But you know what? I actually enjoyed making that video. I guess something is indeed changing within me. And I think I’m the one who enjoys that message of love the most.
And the surprising thing is some people seem to like my voice, including the accent. I have received comments that my signature voice helps the message to sink in. I guess it’s like a funny face may be more interesting and memorable to remember than a perfectly symmetrical model face.
Are you embracing and celebrating your uniqueness?
What is your uniqueness that you have considered to be no good? Is that judgment true? Can you –no, will you choose to embrace and even celebrate your uniqueness? It’s really all up to you, whether you want to condemn your uniqueness or embrace it. The uniqueness is there — what do you want to do with it?
Why do we want to embrace our uniqueness? Because embracing your uniqueness is the start of loving yourself as you are. And until we completely love ourselves as we are right here and now, we cannot grow any further spiritually. Forced growth is a fake growth that will burst sooner or later, like the recent years’ stock market growth and burst. On the other hand, when we completely love ourselves, growth naturally happens. Self love is the foundation of all love and life.
Love yourself, with uniqueness and everything. Not the you that you would become when you love 10 lb or when you master that skill or when you get that job. Love the you that you are now and celebrate your uniqueness
ccepting Mistakes, Admitting Faults Without Guilt & Shame
By Guide
Many people have trouble being real with themselves and with others because they associate their mistakes and / or faults with guilt and or shame. They may feel that when they admit their mistakes that they are somehow less of a person, that they are inferior and lack worthiness. This could not be farther from the truth, but previous notations from within them may be causing this conflict. For instance, you may have come to feel as if you were not good enough by a parent, a spouse, or perhaps by some demeaning people, and those old negatives still come up and play a part in your life today.
Admitting your mistakes or faults should actually be quite liberating for you. Because when you admit and accept your mistakes, blemishes, shortcomings, and faults you are no longer trying to live up to some unrealistic model of perfection. Whoooo! What a relief it is! The battle of trying to be perfect is one you are going to lose. This does not mean that you lower your standards or that you act with irresponsibility, it simply means that you accept the fact that you are going to make mistakes. When you accept this truth you will stop being so hard on yourself, and by the way, stop having unrealistic expectations of others, (including your spouse). Furthermore, you will learn that by simply realizing your inability to be perfect, that you can forgive yourself for those things that guilt is trying to hold you to in condemnation.
Are you coming to a realization right now? Look, we all miss turns, so we make u-turns! We have all split the milk, so we have all had to wiped it up. Not a single person on this planet is perfect, that includes your mother, father, boyfriend, spouse, and your boss. Why attempt to achieve that which is unobtainable? You can't do it, quit beating yourself down because of your mistakes. So you forgot to pay an important bill or you made a bad decision. Accept it and make efforts to improve for the next time, but don't go around hanging your head low because you fell short of perfection.
Being accountable for your actions and taking responsibility is necessary, but within those aspects there are learning and growth processes. When you bump your head on the overhanging door you learn to watch out for brain bashing obstacles. You accept that you were not paying good attention, you make a mental note, so that in the future you will avoid the same headaches. When you accept your mistakes without guilt or shame, you allow growth increase, and you alleviate other possible headaches!
We all miss the boat and end up on the train sometimes, but we keep moving in progression. Life is a constant learning lesson, you know the saying "we learn from our mistakes", right? Well, everyone is going through similar processes in which life often hands us learning curves. It's how we react to those curves that matter. When we stop trying to be perfect and take on humble attitudes our maturity expands. And, with this understanding we begin to look at others differently as well. When we realize and accept that our companions are going through similar processes, we will quit trying to hold them up to some level of perfection in our own eyes.
Your personal strengths are unique unto you, just as your weaknesses are likely to be. Other people in your life, such as your spouse, will be strong in areas that you are not, and weak in areas that you are strong. You are meant to compliment each other, not to pick upon each others weaknesses. This is not to say that there is something wrong with them pointing out those weaknesses, because we all have blind spots in our rear view mirrors that block our insights that we need to know about. It is saying that you point out areas of weakness for growth advancement, and then love those people with their blemishes. It's not to pick on their blemishes as if you do not have any.
Addictions or poor behaviors do not make people invaluable or lesser, everybody has some sort of addiction of some kind. Addictions are those things in which are done in repetitious manners. As a simple example, I drink coke on a regular basis, that is one of my addictions. Since everyone has some sort of addiction it makes them normal, it does not make them losers. Yes, there are some serious addictions that people need help with for their health and safety, but that does not mean that they lack purpose or that they are unworthy in any way. God has a way of taking the most unlikely people, restoring them for His good, and then elevating them to higher levels for the good of others.
Everyday you have the opportunity to cut yourself and others some slack. When your spouse fumbles the ball, you reach down and pick it up for them. When you realize that you have made an error in choice, direction, or perhaps said something that you wish you could take back, accept it as a mistake, say oops and make the most of it without making yourself to feel bad about it. Sure, apologize when necessary, you are likely to be met with love and understanding when you do.
Proverbs 17:9 says; He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or haps on a matter separates even close friends. It's pretty clear isn't it? Love overlooks mistakes and faults, we are to overlook those mistakes that others make, why are do we not do the same for ourselves? As I already touched on, it's because we are trying to live up to some illusional model of perfection, even as we are stubbing our toe on the door jam. Take a deep breath, and when you exhale let out all those things that you have been feeling shame or guilt about by way of unintentional mistakes. Ask God for his forgiveness, even for intentional mistakes, and then be willing to receive His grace.
Accepting Mistakes Quotes & Admitting Your Mistakes Quotations:
While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior. -Henry C. Link
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. -Cullen Hightower
Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault. -Dr. David M. Burns
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -Elbert Hubbard
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -Franklin P. Jones
When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. -Hugh White
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. -Mahatma Gandhi
Mistakes, obviously, show us what needs improving. Without mistakes, how would we know what we had to work on? -Peter McWilliams
To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. -Peter McWilliams
